Obedience Training (Part 1)

One things that I love about Charlotte Mason Style homeschooling is the Habit Training. This concept is that especially in the early years you work on training your children to develop good habits. Her theory is Habits are developed no matter what but you can choose by what you expose your children to,  and how you discipline them. This is not a light hearted task or a quick one. It is done little by little each day over the course of a child's life.

Although- as they develop these Habits they build upon one another making your and there life more of a “smoother ride” in some aspects of life.

The first and most important Habit to Learn in Charlotte's mind is the Habit of Obedience.

When I first read that, I thought it was a little old fashion, and a bit of a dictatorship in my option. But as I was trying to progress in this homeschooling journey, I learn first hand how much harder it is when you struggle with daily disobedience.

So this year, I am making Habit Training one of our “main lessons” each Monday we have a habit training lesson, and maybe an activity that day or another day that week. Then we will work on that all week. I pick one Habit for the month,  and  a new lessons or activity each week.

This month I am doing Habit of Obedience, in fact I am actually doing this for two months. So this is only Part one from what we did this past month.

FIRST I want to make clear what my end goal with this is. 

1. More love and respect (both child to parent and parent to child) 

2. For them to choose to obey out of love, not "habit" 

3. To learn the consiquences of wayward bahvior for themselves 

4. Understand that Heavenly Father's blessing are the true reward in life when we Obey Him

I am not going to give all the little details but generally want we talked about.

Week #1) We Obey out of love

These are some of the things we discussed – using a white board to make notes

Q: Why do you obey?

A: because we do not want to get in trouble, or so you don’t get angry, or because we want something were most of the answers.

Q: What examples from the scriptures can you think of where someone obeyed?

A: Answers will very-

Q: Why did they obey?

A: Because they love Heavenly Father.

Here we talked about the different reasons why people from the scriptures obeyed and how this relates to us. People obey out of Fear, Duty, or Love.

Q: What is love? – Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 and Moroni 7:47 in the Book of Mormon

    Discuss what love is, and how we want to love as Jesus did.

Then read John 15:14 -

Make a sign that says “To Obey means to Show Love to your Heavenly Father and your Parents”  

Talk about how when we obey is shows love to Heavenly father and it shows love to us your parents.

Activity for this week: Any time a child obeys – ask them why they obeyed? Doing this is just bring attention and recognition to why they are doing what they are doing, do not punish or diminish any kind of Obedience but reward obedience out of love with affirmations best for your child, a smile, works, a huge and let them put a stickers on the sign you made. Do this all week long, or longer if your kids enjoy it.  (here is our sign after a couple weeks) - they did not do a sticker EVERY time but many times. 

Prior to this activity- I found myself always getting angry- and upset and feeling like a by standard in a house of crazy boys. BUT through this process I have learned to be Obedient to my Heavenly Father is the way I am discipline them. IF I want them to obey me out of Love then I need to love them the way they need. I have TOTALLY changed up the way I discipline my kids. More on that bellow..... 

Week #2  Our "Natural" Behaviors 

I had been reading a lot on discipline, and I really liked one of the blogs that I read- wish I remembered which one is was, anyway... They talked about how different people have different behaviors and personalities, and the goal with discipline is not to, control, restrict or change a person. It is to develop and grow a person. Just because a Child might be "smarty pants" and "question you disrespectfully" does not mean that child's natural instincts are bad, it would be good for them to "question if someone what trying to get them to do something wrong. So these "behaviors" can be a good thing too, if  they are taught how to do so! Great I thought... "now how do I do that?" 

I first read the Section on Obedience in Laying down the Rails - pg 96-101 I highlighted what I liked and what I felt was good for my kids (did not read to them- just to help be come up with a good discipline plan) 

Pior to this, I always put my kid in time out, or took something away, or came up with something on the spot or even spanked them but usually while yelling and out of anger. None of this worked effectively 

I also read that discipline is best when are clear rules, and consequences for behaviors. 

So I went through and made a chart with what my kids struggle with. The Left side in RED is when our behavior has gone way-ward. The Middle is the Restitution we need to repair that, and the Green is when that Behavior is either on track to start with or back on track. 

For me the key to this working was my tone of voice and attitude toward the children. I must talk to them in a way to build them up, not is "talk down you are in trouble" tone. I made it their responsibility to take care of this. For example if a child did not listen, I would say "You are not Listening, so see what the chart says" have then read it to me, then have them do that. Once they did it, I would usually say thank you for working to be better at listening next time. 

This is just my option here, but no one is perfect, I am not so why should I get upset and tear my kids down every time they are? Life is a work in progress, I want to them feel encouraged to work to do better not fear a consequence and look forward to the day they are grown up. 

Some of the middle areas there are more then one option this is so I can tailor it to the situation. 

After two weeks of using this our home is a whole new world! 

It has really helped me too, because I do not need to yell or fall though on discipline, and the kids think before they choose more, because they know what will happen if the don't. 

Over the past two weeks we have had all of the "Red" choices made, but instead of me feeling disrespected and out of control, I felt strength by the Lord, and it was little lessons on behavior improvement, and strengthening relationships. 

I  have also seem a lot more truly genuine kindness as well- love that! 

Sooo- for week two I just printed off this chart. and Talked with them about it, and put it into practice. 

Week #3 - How should I obey? 

This week we talked about the 4 keys to Obedience they are 

1) Do it - quickly please 

2) Cheerfully- no complaining 

3) Completely- no half jobs 

4) Unconditional - out of love with no reward for self 

we just when over them, in general, not to much detail, but touched on why they are important. 

We read Ephesians 6:1-2 

We discussed these questions 

1. Are there times when you want something different than what your parents what? 

2. Why is it hard to Obey sometimes?

3. Should you Obey even when it is  hard?

4. What blessing came because Christ Obeyed? 

5. What blessing have you gotten because you obey? 

Read Matt 26:36-45 

show a picture of Jesus in the Gethsemane. Talk about this story and how Jesus did Heavenly Father will because he Loved Him 

For an Activity- 

Get a box and fill it with a gift for each child. (not to big) hide it really well. Tell the kids there is a treasure in the house for them, if they can find it. Give NO clues! Set the timer, for 5 minutes or so. 

Then when they can't find it give them a clue. To help them find it. 

Once they find it, (before they open it) ask them if it was easier with the help? or with out? Behavior rules are like the lords "clues and helps"of life, we we obey it will help make life more enjoyable for everyone. 

I also put a lock on the gifts and told them they had to tell me the "keys" to obedience before they could unlock it. 

(insert picture of kids opening treasure - I thought I uploaded it, but I guess I didn't) 

The gifts represent the blessings Heaven Father gives us when we obey. 

Note: my kids found the treasure with out my clues (back fired there) but the did need my help to remember the keys, so it still worked out, and I still covered the concept. 

PART 2- will be going into detail each week more on each of the 4 keys to obedience, and an activity to go along with each one! so check back for part two in a month! 

Resources 

Here is a list of sites/blogs that I read where I either got these ideas or found inspiring along with journey. Good Luck- let me know how it goes for you! 

LOTS of great info on discipline 

Activities and ideas- many of these I will use later- pick and choose what you like 

Good Advice! I LOVED this post!!! it hit right home with me, and what I wanted with my children. 

Keys to Obedience inspiration