Cultivating the Habit of Attention

Attention is not something this blog get, but that is ok, because I try to focus more on what this blog is about more then the blog itself! ha ha

One of thing things I do to help with me this roller coaster homeschooling life of mine is I get the wonderful opportunity to go to a Charlotte Mason moms night meeting. They have been an answer to prayers to be over the years. I still applaud them then for not kicking me out when I came each month full of tears feeling like a failure. Oh- how I have grown!

they are now even greater and have allowed me to continue to grow by helping out with leading the group meetings sometimes. This time I team lead it with my amazing friend Amy :)

I know there were many of you - by the way I missed you! who did not make it so I thought I would send out my notes from the meeting. Also LOTS of links to the thinks we talked about.

Sooo here it goes...

Amy started off by sharing a lot on the Habit of Attention from the wonderful book Laying Down the Rails they also have a wonderful section on "Dawdling" that Amy encourages us to read as well. There is also some great insight in the Chapter called Inconsistent Kitty from Charlotte Mason Companion book, after we were all full of wonderful and inspiring quotes and sharing ideas,

I shared a few things.... These are my notes so they are not "fully what I said" but I did add here and there to make it a bit more complete.

More on the how we could develop these habits not only our Children but ourselves as well

The goal is to Teach Self Compelled Attention –

She (as in CM) wants us to teach the “child to will themselves to attention” rather than just obeying forced attention.

One is lifelong, the other will be temporary, ending as soon as the teacher is gone. 

There is no education but self-education.

Self-Compelled.––As the child gets older, he is taught to bring his own will to bear; to make himself attend in spite of the most inviting suggestions from without. He should be taught to feel a certain triumph in compelling himself to fix his thoughts. Let him know what the real difficulty is, how it is the nature of his mind to be incessantly thinking, but how the thoughts, if left to themselves, will always run off from one thing to another, and that the struggle and the victory required of him is to fix his thoughts upon the task in hand. (Vol.1, p.145)

How can we do this?    

-       Clearly understand what is excepted of them – in a safe non “provoking way” this means that we need to make sure the child knows not only how to do the work, but what is expected as far as rules. For example my boys know that if they are focused they get a 5-10 minute break before heading on to the next lesson, etc. They know that is they waist the time, they do not get a break and will have to finish later, when they would other wise be getting free time, or free play. 

-       I am, I can, I ought, I will – making sure they "understand" also means for them to understand who they really are, going back to CM motto for children. 

    - They have to have a desire and know they can- develop this habit of attention as well because the Lord want them too, (not us making them/teaching them)

-        -  Like a muscle, the more he exercises his will to pay attention, the stronger it gets and the more he will be able to pay attention.

-       - Keep lessons short

-      -  Genuinely praise whatever effort you see them making towards developing their habit of attention.

-       - Go about this little by little, day by day rather than expecting perfection the first day. It takes time and practice just like anything else.

-       Grace, patience and encouragement are a great help.  

Why so hard?

CM said Attention 'is in every child in full measure'. Then why do we see so little of it in so many children? Mason claims that we hinder it. Some things she says hinder attention are:

- the 'talky-talky teacher' who gets between the learning and the child - over lecturing 

- lifeless books with no living thought in them & long lessons

- force and over correction

- not accepting what the child gives back (their work is never good enough)

- not trusting the child's intellect

- over stimulation of from other “screen activities” or the idea we need to "always prepare activities and   things" for schooling 

What can we do?

Reduce Stress – relaxation book, I LOVE this book! Teaches about good stress and bad stress, it is soooo much easier to learn to pay attention when you are not stressed! 

Adjusting assignments, to the needs of the child. 

Giving more attention to relationships with that child, rather then assignments 

Diet& Food- we are Gods greatest work in all that He has created

–      what we eat effects us, end of story. 

      Essential Oils – really help me. I like these two depending of if I need to "relax and focus" of if I need energy to focus Tranquility, or Awake  

     Games and Activities 

     to help train the brain to be able to develop the Habit of Attention 

Trey of Items - Activity - we did this at the meeting I thought it was fun. (see picture bellow) 

you place a number if different things on a trey, and let the kids look at, then take it away and see what they remember. If they are old enough have them write it down. 

You can also take away a few things and they bring it back and see if they can tell what is missing. 

you can do all things that are similar like cars, or very random items 

you can leave a trey of times to be looked at through out the day, and see if they were paying attention, or place it out, and let a timer and them take it away, or cover it. Try it different ways. 

-        

Be a Spy

-       hide something small – lego guys or small pictures through out the house and see if they can find them through out the day- you can tell them to be on the look out, or better yet just see if they notices themselves through out the day 

-       also service spies – be on the look out for seeking ways to help others

Picture Study fun books – picture study is a great way to help develop this skill, a couple of our favorites are... 

Spot the Differences Art Masterpiece books- we only have book 2 they are short but really fun. 

We have A LOT of art books but we enjoy this one a lot  

This is not an "art book" but it is really fun, Look and find book, my kids LOVE it! 

Games: 

Othello-  this game teaches all kinds of wonderful things for the brain! 

Copy work – pick some quotes or scriptures on attention

Read Books Bible Stories – Noah; what if he had not paid attention to Gods instructions? or Samuel? or others- relate that to us, and how we need to be prepared to pay attention to do the Lords work. 

Jars Activity-

Jar of golden Habits - got a large Mason Jar, and also a container of yellow popping corn, and we had a lesson, where we read this Story called "One Scoop at a time" this story teaches us that as we obey the commandment over time each one is like a little kernel of light, but over time it added up to lots of light. My kids LOVED this, and after a couple months we filled the jar and then had pop corn as a fun activity. You could do this same thing, with the idea of Attention, it is a Golden Habit that shares light helping to develop other Habits. 

Be the Example for them-

“At Scale How time was to be respected, given to the thing or person claiming it rightfully.  Then there would always be time, without over-pressure or distraction.  This sense of time value was hard to achieve but it bore the test of experience during the two years' training.  What an effort of faith it all was...it did not seem possible to find a moment for everything, yet if no time was wasted there was plenty of it and no hurry. - Cholmondley,  p. 150

Mason states "Do not bury yourself in the book while the children are reading aloud.  Give your full attention to the reading, then when the time for narration comes receive what they tell you with your whole mind.  They will tell it all the better to someone who is listening and who is not consulting a book."  To this, Cholmondley adds, "To carry out these two pieces of advice needed great power of attentive reading beforehand and of attentive listening during the lesson."

-       Am I doing to much multitasking?

-       Am I really listening to them? 

    What kind of example am I setting for them? 

    I am the first to say I am still really learning!!!! 

   Ok- that evening some other things that came up were habit training charts, 

    Habit Charts and links

      I do not know how to share a file on here so if you want to a copy of the Obedience Chart I use let me know (see Habit Training - on Obedience - yes I know I still need to add part 2 to to that!)   
 Here is a really bad pictures I just took with my iPad- you get the idea though- see the other post for details on it.

     Amy shared THIS one that she likes  

     I made my own VERY simple version of the one above for what my kids need if you are interested let me know I will be happy to email you a copy. Again bad ipad picture of my version :) I will post more on how we use this in a later post but in short if they are "caught" doing good things by anyone else they get a check, and if it fills up they can pick a little prize from the treasure box but we talk about how these habits are worth more then treasure. 

o  Other things shared 

Amy -  shared this Blog she likes URtheMom - she said you can find lots of blog radio (I looked and could not find it though- so I will ask her- Amy if you read this can you tell us how to find the radio station you were telling us about?

     Also people asked about Handwriting apps Amy's top pick was Wet dry App- I guess they have a free try it one- then you upgrade to the full- 

My kids like this one, I think it is to flashy, & over stimulating but it works GREAT for my one child because you have to hold your fingers like you do a real pencil. Not just with your finger, I have tried it, and it knows, - this would be better for a little older kids because of that. It is called Crabby Writer 

THANK you all!!! if you read through this- sorry for my bad spelling, typos etc. hope you found something that will uplift and inspire you on your journey! 

Obedience Training (Part 1)

One things that I love about Charlotte Mason Style homeschooling is the Habit Training. This concept is that especially in the early years you work on training your children to develop good habits. Her theory is Habits are developed no matter what but you can choose by what you expose your children to,  and how you discipline them. This is not a light hearted task or a quick one. It is done little by little each day over the course of a child's life.

Although- as they develop these Habits they build upon one another making your and there life more of a “smoother ride” in some aspects of life.

The first and most important Habit to Learn in Charlotte's mind is the Habit of Obedience.

When I first read that, I thought it was a little old fashion, and a bit of a dictatorship in my option. But as I was trying to progress in this homeschooling journey, I learn first hand how much harder it is when you struggle with daily disobedience.

So this year, I am making Habit Training one of our “main lessons” each Monday we have a habit training lesson, and maybe an activity that day or another day that week. Then we will work on that all week. I pick one Habit for the month,  and  a new lessons or activity each week.

This month I am doing Habit of Obedience, in fact I am actually doing this for two months. So this is only Part one from what we did this past month.

FIRST I want to make clear what my end goal with this is. 

1. More love and respect (both child to parent and parent to child) 

2. For them to choose to obey out of love, not "habit" 

3. To learn the consiquences of wayward bahvior for themselves 

4. Understand that Heavenly Father's blessing are the true reward in life when we Obey Him

I am not going to give all the little details but generally want we talked about.

Week #1) We Obey out of love

These are some of the things we discussed – using a white board to make notes

Q: Why do you obey?

A: because we do not want to get in trouble, or so you don’t get angry, or because we want something were most of the answers.

Q: What examples from the scriptures can you think of where someone obeyed?

A: Answers will very-

Q: Why did they obey?

A: Because they love Heavenly Father.

Here we talked about the different reasons why people from the scriptures obeyed and how this relates to us. People obey out of Fear, Duty, or Love.

Q: What is love? – Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 and Moroni 7:47 in the Book of Mormon

    Discuss what love is, and how we want to love as Jesus did.

Then read John 15:14 -

Make a sign that says “To Obey means to Show Love to your Heavenly Father and your Parents”  

Talk about how when we obey is shows love to Heavenly father and it shows love to us your parents.

Activity for this week: Any time a child obeys – ask them why they obeyed? Doing this is just bring attention and recognition to why they are doing what they are doing, do not punish or diminish any kind of Obedience but reward obedience out of love with affirmations best for your child, a smile, works, a huge and let them put a stickers on the sign you made. Do this all week long, or longer if your kids enjoy it.  (here is our sign after a couple weeks) - they did not do a sticker EVERY time but many times. 

Prior to this activity- I found myself always getting angry- and upset and feeling like a by standard in a house of crazy boys. BUT through this process I have learned to be Obedient to my Heavenly Father is the way I am discipline them. IF I want them to obey me out of Love then I need to love them the way they need. I have TOTALLY changed up the way I discipline my kids. More on that bellow..... 

Week #2  Our "Natural" Behaviors 

I had been reading a lot on discipline, and I really liked one of the blogs that I read- wish I remembered which one is was, anyway... They talked about how different people have different behaviors and personalities, and the goal with discipline is not to, control, restrict or change a person. It is to develop and grow a person. Just because a Child might be "smarty pants" and "question you disrespectfully" does not mean that child's natural instincts are bad, it would be good for them to "question if someone what trying to get them to do something wrong. So these "behaviors" can be a good thing too, if  they are taught how to do so! Great I thought... "now how do I do that?" 

I first read the Section on Obedience in Laying down the Rails - pg 96-101 I highlighted what I liked and what I felt was good for my kids (did not read to them- just to help be come up with a good discipline plan) 

Pior to this, I always put my kid in time out, or took something away, or came up with something on the spot or even spanked them but usually while yelling and out of anger. None of this worked effectively 

I also read that discipline is best when are clear rules, and consequences for behaviors. 

So I went through and made a chart with what my kids struggle with. The Left side in RED is when our behavior has gone way-ward. The Middle is the Restitution we need to repair that, and the Green is when that Behavior is either on track to start with or back on track. 

For me the key to this working was my tone of voice and attitude toward the children. I must talk to them in a way to build them up, not is "talk down you are in trouble" tone. I made it their responsibility to take care of this. For example if a child did not listen, I would say "You are not Listening, so see what the chart says" have then read it to me, then have them do that. Once they did it, I would usually say thank you for working to be better at listening next time. 

This is just my option here, but no one is perfect, I am not so why should I get upset and tear my kids down every time they are? Life is a work in progress, I want to them feel encouraged to work to do better not fear a consequence and look forward to the day they are grown up. 

Some of the middle areas there are more then one option this is so I can tailor it to the situation. 

After two weeks of using this our home is a whole new world! 

It has really helped me too, because I do not need to yell or fall though on discipline, and the kids think before they choose more, because they know what will happen if the don't. 

Over the past two weeks we have had all of the "Red" choices made, but instead of me feeling disrespected and out of control, I felt strength by the Lord, and it was little lessons on behavior improvement, and strengthening relationships. 

I  have also seem a lot more truly genuine kindness as well- love that! 

Sooo- for week two I just printed off this chart. and Talked with them about it, and put it into practice. 

Week #3 - How should I obey? 

This week we talked about the 4 keys to Obedience they are 

1) Do it - quickly please 

2) Cheerfully- no complaining 

3) Completely- no half jobs 

4) Unconditional - out of love with no reward for self 

we just when over them, in general, not to much detail, but touched on why they are important. 

We read Ephesians 6:1-2 

We discussed these questions 

1. Are there times when you want something different than what your parents what? 

2. Why is it hard to Obey sometimes?

3. Should you Obey even when it is  hard?

4. What blessing came because Christ Obeyed? 

5. What blessing have you gotten because you obey? 

Read Matt 26:36-45 

show a picture of Jesus in the Gethsemane. Talk about this story and how Jesus did Heavenly Father will because he Loved Him 

For an Activity- 

Get a box and fill it with a gift for each child. (not to big) hide it really well. Tell the kids there is a treasure in the house for them, if they can find it. Give NO clues! Set the timer, for 5 minutes or so. 

Then when they can't find it give them a clue. To help them find it. 

Once they find it, (before they open it) ask them if it was easier with the help? or with out? Behavior rules are like the lords "clues and helps"of life, we we obey it will help make life more enjoyable for everyone. 

I also put a lock on the gifts and told them they had to tell me the "keys" to obedience before they could unlock it. 

(insert picture of kids opening treasure - I thought I uploaded it, but I guess I didn't) 

The gifts represent the blessings Heaven Father gives us when we obey. 

Note: my kids found the treasure with out my clues (back fired there) but the did need my help to remember the keys, so it still worked out, and I still covered the concept. 

PART 2- will be going into detail each week more on each of the 4 keys to obedience, and an activity to go along with each one! so check back for part two in a month! 

Resources 

Here is a list of sites/blogs that I read where I either got these ideas or found inspiring along with journey. Good Luck- let me know how it goes for you! 

LOTS of great info on discipline 

Activities and ideas- many of these I will use later- pick and choose what you like 

Good Advice! I LOVED this post!!! it hit right home with me, and what I wanted with my children. 

Keys to Obedience inspiration 

A house of Order ...

.. a house of order....

A while ago I said on Face Book that I had come up with a new chores system, and this is it people!

"Organize yourselves; prepare every needful thing; and establish a house, even a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God." Doctrine and Covenants 88:119

this has been a scripture that has become a goal/ motto for me for years now, and I am still faithfully working on it. And this is a system that I feel for our family is a step in the right direction.

I have also been reading the free ebook called Smooth and Easy Days - with Charlotte Mason, (click the title for a link to it) by Sonya Shafer. This is a ebook for Homeschooling parents doing Charlotte Mason style education. Charlotte had a Motto for all parents and this is it ....

Educations is, an atmosphere, a discipline, a life....

There is another book FREE ebook that breaks this all down but basically she talks about the three elements in Educating the whole being, not just gaining knowledge. In "a discipline" part she talks about the importance of developing good habits. In the book I am reading now, she gives great tips and explanations on how to do this as well as a list of Habits to try and develop right along with your kids. You are to pick one and make that your main focus for 1-2 months then work on the next. And so on, I will write more on this later, but for this month we are focusing on Cleanliness and Order; we show gratitude to the Lord by taking care of the things He has given us.

with that.... Here is our Mission Chores!!!

The kids all have chores, they are just part of life, they get up, they have their morning routine chart, and tidy toys time in the afternoon, and then after dinner we have evening clean up from dinner chores. Everyone helps end of story.

BUT what about all that deep cleaning? yep I do it because it is easier that way, and it gets done right... well not any more! 1) because I am home with all the kids all day, so if I am the only one who does them it means they are destroying something else as I work. 2) because they will never learn to do it right unless they are taught. and 3) The earlier you instill the habit of gratitude to the Lord for what we have by taking care of our thing the "less" likely it will be a fight when they get older...so I hope...

How this works- these are chores that need to be done, but not all the time. The boys get to pick the chores they want to do, and they get paid for them.

I made this by sewing the pockets on to the red fabric then I glued the red fabric to a piece of cardboard. I added Dallin because in one short year he will helping out too, if not sooner. (although like Ryan not yet getting paid, because they could careless).

The top pockets have the chores in them, there is one pocket for each room they are to do. Kitchen, bathroom, school room, and Living room. (we do not do all rooms each time usually part of two, or just one it just depends)
At the bottom there is a pocket for each child, and under that is where their "mission badge" hangs. They go through and pick 2-3 chores to do, and put them on their badges, then we all tackle the mission (room) together. It is a bit crazy, and seriously takes 10 times longer then if I did it myself, but "education is a discipline" not just for them but for me.... patience JoAnn...
here is a peek at a handful of chores that are in the pockets. I know I am cheap but the kids are happy with it, and they like to get coins the don't like paper money, sooo funny!
After they are done they put that badge in their pocket then at the end of 1-2 weeks they count up their totals, and put it in their money notebooks, they subtract tithing (their choice) and then add the rest to their money bank!
This has worked well for us. We do "Mission" chores on Monday and Fridays. We do different chores each time, getting it so each thing is done 1-2 times a month. Keeps the house pretty clean really. I bounce around helping each child with their job, and we do this generally when Dallin is sleeping. We usually spent 1-2 hours doing mission chores but not for more then an hour or so stright- we often times will take a break, have a snack or play a game then head back to finish our mission!

Here are some pic's of the kids with their mission chores. Through out I have put some quotes from Charlotte Mason that I just love!!
"Every day, every hour parents are either passively or actively forming those habits in their children upon which, more than upon anything else future character and conduct depend" - Charlotte Mason
"The mother devotes herself to the formation of one habit at a time, doing no more than to keep watch over those already formed" - Charlotte Mason
"The fact is, that the things we do a good many times over leave some sort of impression in the very substance of our brain; and this impression, the more often it is repeated, makes it the easier for us to do the thing the next time" - Charlotte Mason
"The habits of the Child produce the character of the man" - Charlotte Mason
If you have any questions at all about how I do this or made this just ask!!

p.s. the badge supplies and clips I got a good old walmart for I think a total of $8 bucks. Office supply section. YES the boys wear them as they work and take of each chore and put it in the pocket as it gets done. Very hands on, again, instilling those ideas of making a goal working through it, and seeing the results.